No More Corporate Restrictions, No More Love?

empty parkinglot blog.png

One of the reasons for jumping off the corporate career was to free myself from the corporate restrictions, from the structures, the processes and the corporate culture that I perceived as limiting. While I had the privilege to have had good employers that offered me great opportunities I was ready to spread my wings and try to fly on my own. [Pssst, between you and me, sometimes I wish I hadn’t such a strong desire for independence, but don’t tell anyone, ok?!]

A few weeks into my new adventure, I began to notice a hurdle I was not prepared for. The love had gone! Not the one for my new business and the ideas I had, but the daily appreciation for a job well done. The love I received from the people I worked with in my corporate career. The thrill that I’ve gotten from a shared laughter during a coffee break, the warm feeling when someone had sought my advice, the inspirational meetings I had with my boss, the impact I had with the things I had built and implemented. All of that - gone.

hand in water blog.png

You only know what you had after you’ve lost it
Whilst I don’t miss a lot of the things that come with the corporate world, I have to admit, I miss the daily love. No one tells me in this early phase of my new business that I am doing a good job. No one appreciates my work (yet), no one cheers (yet) because there is nothing to cheer on (yet). This is the bloody hell early phase of a new business and all I am doing at the moment is building it up.

Suck it up princess
That’s right, I have to give myself that love that I used to draw from my corporate job. This is a bit of shocking news to me because I never understood that I drew so much of feeling loved from my job. Dah, wrong. The time has come to give myself that love that I got from working for someone else’s dream. But don’t worry, this will not become one of the “how to love thyself” lessons.

Finding love again
For me this has become a lesson of figuring out, what other things and situations give me the feeling of being loved and appreciated. First, I discovered…nothing. Emptiness. Then I got a hint from a friend to start with appreciation. Every night before going to bed I write down three things I appreciate in my life and three things I did well that day. Let me be very honest with you here: it was hard. Very hard. I didn’t see it and I had to force myself to come up with even one point. Over time, I noticed that I became more aware during the day. I encountered situations in which I thought, “Oh, I’m going to write that down tonight.” I had increased my awareness and found love again through that.

Three things I appreciate, three things I did well...

Three things I appreciate, three things I did well...

Happy end?
No happy end. Because awareness is an unpredictable beast. I let it slip. I thought I had it all figured out and had it automated in my daily behaviour and didn’t need to write it down every night anymore. Wrong. I have to restart it again and again and there are phases when it comes naturally and then there are phases when I have to set a reminder in my phone for the daily journaling. There you go, that is my truth. No fancy I’ve got it all figured out.

So I do my best and jump and smile — again and again. I invite you to jump with me and share your “giving myself the love I need” strategies in the comments below.

with gratitude.png
VH with Glas_bw_scaled.jpg
Viola Heller